Longing for romance

I started off tonight with a long conversation with a dear friend that knows me very well. We discussed life and what has been going on lately. I shared a deep desire that has been on my heart lately... It involved a boy who is very special to me whom I never see anymore. I desired and longed to be noticed by him again and for him to pursue me like he once did.. And then I realized that is such frequent cry if my heart and probably most young women who have not had someone special take interest in them lately. We desire to be noticed, loved, treasured, and romanced (the chapter in captivating that I am reading). Above all we want to feel like we are special. I also noticed that it is when this happens with a boy that I sort of open up. All of us do. We brighten up. And know we are special.

What I realized tonight - thanks to john and Stasi eldredge is that I do not have to wait for a man to make me feel this way. Christ has been romancing me since i was a young girl. He has put special things in my life to show me how much he loves me and wants me to love him with all I have.

One scene that has been recently on my mind has been of this summer at lake reba. I worked from 8-4:30 every day at an unpaid internship. It was freezing in the building while it was almost 90 outside. I would pack my lunch in the mornings - since cash was scarce (unpaid internship... remember?). I would think about my escape that would occur at 11:30. I would leave the frigid office where the silence was deafening at times and head to the lake to sit and bask in the sun while I would do my bible study for the day.

I remember staring at the beautiful scene in front of me wondering if I could stay there all day and just enjoy God's creation. There was one thing that I struggled most with that summer... Knowing and trusting God's purpose (as most would if they had been in my situation. ) Thankfully the last thing that I had been challenged to do while at college in the spring was to read a Proverb each day. The one that would always leave me in tears was 16:4 - I think... The reference may not be correct but the lesson it left on my heart was powerful: purpose, everything was created for the Lord's purpose. It was true... I was special. The Lover of my heart used that summer and those quiet moments to woo me.

Thinking back to the days at the lake a tear falls .. And the message is still as clear as it was when the suns rays warmed me and the beauty of the scene captivated me... I love you. You are worth it. You are beautiful, my darling.

And as I sit in my dorm wondering if I will make it through this semester.. I am capable of my leadership position and have all my fears and weaknesses shoved in my face by the evil one who wants to destroy me... I continue to hear.. You have a purpose. I love you. Give me your all. I will take care of the rest.

Which at this point in my life the romancing may look a little different. But he is reaching me in new ways. With new people. And with new surroundings... And all new opportunities for worship.. But it has the same message. I have always been here. You are mine. Here I AM.
True romance. What I was made for - deep, passionate love for my God.