goodbye, anticipation, disappointment, old friends.

finally, it's time to leave. The summer is over, soon the fun will begin.

I said goodbye tonight to my grandparents & every time it seems to get more difficult. Will it be the last time I say goodbye? They are so precious to me. My grandpa hardly knows anything anymore, he is very clumsy & finally got a cane- at a yard sale- he's officially an old man now. It's sad, but beautiful. In Proverbs, it says that gray hair is an elders crown. It is true. It shows wisdom.

I am rather disappointed at how this summer turned out, but a little relieved. Once again, it won't be difficult for me to say goodbye to anyone other than my parents & grandparents. (and a few from my church family) At least it's not hard on me or anyone else. I am thankful, but wish I had memories to look back on from this summer that included others. There were a few fun nights, yea, but no friends that will last through this next semester. I am thankful for constant people that love the Lord that live in Bowling Green, I am thankful for my support.

My bike is strapped onto my car.. which means I am ready to drive to Bowling Green. -it's about time-

There are still piles around the house, but they are piles that are recognizable. It's a start.

I am leaving tomorrow morning & hopefully going to have breakfast with my mother. That should be interesting... Maybe she will be nice due to my leaving.

I was supposed to have breakfast with a friend, my previous manager from Roundhill General Store, Ursula. She is such a godly woman. She and her husband got a divorce. How can such a horrible thing happen to a family that seemed so beautiful & full of love, when actually it was full of deceit. How pathetic. Unfortunately, she did not call me back, so I guess breakfast will have to wait for another time. She is such a strong woman, I look up to her a lot! She still has her job and I think two kids, who adore her. I miss her.

The phone just rang.. I waited in anticipation. why? Who is it I wish was on the other line? I am ridiculous & very random.


Book to read: "I heart Bloomberg" - Melody Carlson.

Dust & empty soda cans = an empty life...

I am concerned.
I have this friend... and she is so confused. There are times when I wish I could tell her she is just going through a VERY LONG phase and reassure her everything will be just fine. But she won't listen. She never seems to listen to what I say.. sure she says she does & she says my advice and support helps her, but I can never believe her.
5 minutes after I spend a few hours feeding her truth after truth she goes back to her previous thoughts. These previous thoughts are destroying her. I am angry ... no.. furious that Satan keeps giving her these lies that she seems to believe. He tells her... 1) you are too busy for Christ, too busy for a relationship, just give it up for now, he has given up on you. 2) you are not a precious child of God, you are nothing, not important to anyone, give up. 3) your friends don't care about you, they never have. 4) No one is here to support you or encourage you, you are alone.

I am watching my friend unravel, she is not who I used to know. It's actually, quite sad to see it happen. Why can't she just be her giddy, cute, laughing self. Well, was it all a show. Is this who she really is, someone who can barely keep their head above the water??
Someone who lies to the people who are trying to help her.
Someone who says 6 months!! & really means 3 days??

I can't give up on her, I love her. She is so precious! She is my sister in Christ. She is my friend. I was able to overcome it, so I have to believe that she can too.

You see, I understand her. We are pretty much the same person. Same struggles, same lies, same issues. Same everything. Everyday I ask myself whether or not I should read the truth, and to speak honestly... more times I chose not to.. but I can't get that far away, not as far as her. Because I know, that when everything seems to be crashing down, I have a grasp on the one thing that is constant, the one thing that is true, and the one thing that is beautiful. My Creator. My Joy, when nothing is going right. My Peace, when I can't seem to find a minute to breathe. My LORD, when I don't want to listen to anyone. My Truth, when everyone seems to speak lies. My Consuming Fire, when everything around me is just so... dull.

My dear friend. You are precious, loved, missed, amazing, beautiful, talented, special, smart, and you make me laugh, all the time. Even when you may feel like crying, or breaking down. You try to make other people happy. Dear, it is time for you to make yourself happy, and I am not talking about the happy that is there one minute and the next, you miss it & wonder what happened. I am talking about joy, peace, and a true smile. I want you, my precious little sister, to understand how important you are, how easy it is to accept it & how evident are the lies that you keep holding on to!! Let go, little one! Accept what you know is true.. I know what you are saying.. HOW? I CAN'T. LATER! but you are missing life, and the only thing that is important in it, your journey with Christ. Don't push the truth away, when you know it.