overwhelmed. definitely.

okay. so this is a sudden, not thought out post. 

I was talking to my lovely roommate, Mallory about what we have learned the past few days.  I am leading the devotion for tomorrow (we take turns every day) and I am talking about Amos.  What the heck? Since when would I ever want to talk about Amos and the northern kingdom and the Israelites?

To tell you the truth... I didn't even know the story of the old testament until today. I know that is horrifying, but I believe that many people are in the situation I was (mainly because not very many people on our team knew until today). 

I am just blown away by the grace of God for a sinful, rebellious people that He created.  He could have easily wiped out the Israelites when they left the promised land the first time.  But he didn't. Solomon's heart turned away from God and followed other gods even after the Lord had commanded him not to.  But even though Solomon turned away - God waited until after his lifetime to tear away only ten kingdoms and leave one because of his father David.  So... there is still grace because God will keep his covenant - even when man fails to keep it.  

So.. this is me rambling - but I am just... overwhelmed with all the information right now.  I think we need to continue to dive deeper into the old testament and learn more about the character of God - it is so inspiring and just.. awesome.  I say 'we' with myself included and excluding whoever already has this knowledge and need to go deeper.  Sorry for the generality.

So Acts 1:8 has taught me to fall in love with the Bible and renew my love for God's redemptive story that is found throughout the old and new testaments.  How beautiful is this story and what God is continuing to do!

..... so there is my random post that poured out from my excitement.  And now. bedtime!

Summer of True Delight.

My summer story began a few hours before Acts 1:8 officially started. The Sunday we were to arrive, I was crying in the car with my friend. “I am really giving up my summer,” I quietly said through my tears. Thoughts ran through my head. “Will I miss out on fun times in Nashville with my friends? How will I make enough money without a full-time job this summer? Is this really what I am supposed to be doing?

I doubted my decision to dedicate my summer to the Lord. My friend reassured me that he was proud of me and that I would love this summer, that is what I was banking on – that my friends and family would be proud of me. I started out this summer full of pride.

On that same day, when I was trying to figure out if Acts 1:8 was actually my calling or not, I started to feel some anxiety about it. This was the last thing I wanted to experience, because it had been so common during the semester. It is normal occurrence for my breathing to speed up and my heart to race when there is something that I cannot control. With a summer full of rules and team time, I would definitely be limited to controlling any situation. I started out this summer full of anxiety.

When I got to my room I wondered how two people could live in a place so small. A few days passed and we would have meetings every day and they would always last longer than they were supposed to. Didn’t everyone know that I had things I had to do and didn’t want to sit in a meeting all day long? I started out this summer full of selfishness.

By the second day of 1:8 I was already wishing that I was moving into my apartment, going to concerts, opening my coffee shop, starting my job, planning events for BCM and attending classes. I was wishing away my summer, this was not a good sign. I told one person, “I can’t wait to get back to Bowling Green and start the fall semester.” He replied, “Don’t wish your whole summer away, enjoy the time you have. I didn’t realize that my subconscious was speaking. I started out this summer wishing it would end.

Fortunately, this was just the beginning of the summer. My heart changed as I let the Lord take hold.

This summer experience taught me many things about myself. I learned a lot about studying the bible, discipleship, pursuing my relationship with the Lord. However the most important things I will take away from this summer are the relationships and the lessons about who I am and most important that I am not done growing in my relationship in Christ and knowledge of Him.

One thing I learned is that I have to have my alone time to recharge. Contrary to previous thoughts, this is not something that is negative, we all have to recharge in our own way. For me this could mean either journaling in a quiet place where I can get all my thoughts on to paper or spend time in prayer and in the Word. There are many people that get there energy from groups of people, and I wish I was one of those types, but I am not. This summer I became comfortable with who I am.

Another thing that I learned was confidence. Before the summer started my discipleship leader from WKU asked our D-Group to pick out a verse that would sum up what we were hoping to experience or learn from this summer. My verses were Hebrews l0:35-36. “So don’t throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you need endurance, so that after you have done God’s will, you may receive what was promised.” This has been a verse that I have been trying to apply to my life. On May 31st, when I drove onto Southern’s Seminary Campus I was trying to grab a hold of all the confidence that everyone else had in me. But it was empty without the confidence that I had in Christ. It has been extraordinary to start applying this verse in my life. I am not going to say that I am the most confident person on the team (that is by far a lie). I am only saying that I am making an attempt to live like the daughter of God He has said I am. This summer I learned to find my identity in Christ.

I have learned how much of a free-spirit I am, and that this can be a good thing. I enjoy doing things on my own, but there is more to life than being on your own all the time. My favorite church that we attended while in Louisville was Sojourn. The pastor said one night that we need to be astonished by our relationship with God and also with our brothers and sisters in Christ. I took major advantage of the fact that I was forced to live with these 21 other people for a few months. I was in close proximity to people who were just waiting to pour into me and love on me and I didn’t realize that until a few days ago. This summer I learned to appreciate the blessing of relationship in my life.

 There were many girls who, when they heard the news, hugged me. I didn’t know if I was willing to accept this, I was fine, right? No. Through a situation, I was able to grow closer to my sisters who wanted to share in my joy and in my pain. I had experienced that before not to this extent. I was forced to grieve the loss of a friend and accept that it is okay to not be happy all the time. I was forced to take off my mask in front of people that I had lived with for 6 weeks, it was the first time. This summer I learned the definition of community through action.

There are so many times that I want to portray myself as a strong, Christian, wise, healthy, understanding girl. But I am not and that is okay. Jesus died on the cross to offer me grace and a relationship with His sovereign Father. I am starting my journey in this relationship and it is the most beautiful thing I have experienced. The process will be long and I will never be finished, but this is the journey entitled, life one day at a time for Christ. It is exciting and I hope that after hearing my story you will desire to dive deeper into this love relationship that the creator of the universe wants to have with you. This summer I learned what it means to delight and trust in the Lord.

Trust in the Lord and do what is good; dwell in the land and live securely. Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires. – Psalm 37:3-4

12 days later... and I'm back in America!

It has been a wonderful past two weeks.

I just got back from the Dominican Republic last night. I can't even begin to explain about it in great detail... so much has happened. I will try though.

We left for a hotel on Monday- we stayed the night at the hotel and then got up really early to catch our flight on Tuesday. I have to admit that the few days before we left I was not very excited. I guess I just didn't know what was going to happen, or what to expect. But I was a little nervous. This was my first international mission trip.

Tuesday: we connected flights in Miami - I said my goodbyes to friends and my parents and sent the last text messages for the next 12 days. We arrived in Santo Domingo and I started to get really excited! The funniest part of the day was when I was sleeping on the bus next to the window - and this man in a truck beside us knocked on my window and started waving at me and made kissy faces. I was rudely awoken from my nap and startled at the Dominican man staring at me. Welcome to the D.R. - at least he didn't shout Gringo or Americano at me - like the kids did occasionally. We arrived at our base and spent the night getting used to the Dominican heat.

Wednesday: breakfast was at 7:30 and after making sandwiches and figuring out which sight we would go to - our teams departed. We had to split up the Acts 1:8 group to make sure we finished the projects at two sights in Santo Domingo. I went with the group that installed a water purification system in Ima Rosa - a community about an hour away. I worked with health education - which meant a few skits and lessons and then carrying kids on our back around the room. They shouted at us in Spanish (something I got used to) to run faster or to spin them around faster. By the end of the day, I was drained, dizzy and very joyful.

Thursday: the same deal as Wednesday. Lots of running, sweating, getting yelled at in Spanish and happiness. The kids started asking us for water today. "Agua..?" They would hold up a cup to us and present the precious child face - that you can't help but say yes to.. but we weren't allowed. We only had so much water for the team and our translators and leaders told us that we needed it so we wouldn't get dehydrated... but I couldn't help but start feeling a little sad that I couldn't give the children water.



Friday: the same thing happened as the past two days... but there was some extra excitement today. Some of the girls thought it would be fun if I chased them.. So instead of just tackling the boys - poor Joe & Brad - they started picking on the girls on the team so we would chase them - of course we had to give in and play! After a few hours of running, when it was almost time for the kids to go home, they found a water source (not pure water) . One of the guys on the team, Daniel, yelled at them and told them not to drink the water or throw the soccer ball at the little girls getting water (they didn't listen). I jumped in and turned off the water and tried with my horribly broken Spanish to tell them to get water at their house. One of the little girls that had insisted on me chasing her and carrying her on my back - threw her cup down and screamed as loud as she could and then stomped away. All the girls followed her example and I felt like a terrible person. After a few minutes of suffering from a slightly broken heart and teary eyes, I collected myself and remembered that they would soon have pure water and hopefully understand why we were there and that I wasn't the most horrible person ever.


Saturday: This day- the vision clinic part of our team came to Ima Rosa. I decided to jump out of the comfort box of screaming children and work with the vision team (since they wanted to switch jobs for the next site). After a long day of reading prescriptions, handing our glasses, and realizing that everyone is picky and selfish, I saw one of the little girls that threw her cup down. Her name was Diana. She looked at me, shrugged her shoulders, and ran up and hugged me and insisted I pick her up. It was great to be able to have the translator tell her that I thought she was a precious little girl and that I enjoyed being able to play with her this week, but that I wouldn't be back tomorrow. She put her head in my neck and I carried her around for a little while longer. By the end of the day, she wouldn't look at me without tears in her eyes when I tried to say adios. It was a bittersweet sort of feeling. But after the hard work of our water team - the kids of the community will have pure water and more importantly learn about Living Water.

Sunday: The Acts 1:8 team and translators traveled to Jarabacoa. I have to say that this is one of the most beautiful places I have ever been.

Monday: We traveled to a place called "The Hole" and it is exactly what the name says. A Hole. There is a river that runs through the little community and it is full of trash. There is a mountain of trash also. Inside the little trash river were dead animals, people using the bathroom and also people getting water in jugs to use. We were disgusted... in America we don't think about where our water comes from - we just turn on the sink and use however much we think we will need (plus more). Never do we have to worry about parasites or worms or bacteria... it's just a normal thing. We can shower and get water in our eyes or water in our mouths and not be nervous about getting e-coli. It's not that way everywhere else. Here these people were surviving and living in this hole and getting their water from the same place were dead animals float. And our mission to put in pure water and tell these people of God's love and power becomes more real and important every second we smell the sewage run through the city and stare at the mountains of trash.

Tuesday: same thing - the Hole. I do have to tell you about the children at this place. They were so happy to see you, touch you and have you hold them. They would yell "Americano!" every time they would want our attention.. or whenever they would see us for that matter. They were the most appreciative children ever and the most without (to our standards). And they were the most beautiful.

Wednesday: I went to a different site - a school close to our base at Jarabacoa. It was no where close to the poverty level like The Hole, but still in need of glasses and God's love. This was the last day of our working part of the trip. I was exhausted physically, mentally and challenged spiritually - the best place to be when you are learning humility and how to rely truly on the Lord. I was so thankful when the end of the day came... but a little sad to be leaving my first international mission adventure in a few days.




Thursday: we went to a water fall. amazing! it was a great place to witness the love of God in his creation. - I climbed up a huge rock and then found a smaller one to watch everyone play in the water as I journaled and focused on the Psalms. This was also the day we traveled back to Santo Domingo.



Friday: Beach Day (and shopping)! I got to get a few gifts for some people. It wasn't as much fun as I thought it would be - I had to learn to ignore the "Hey Girl, Look!"The beach was beautiful and it just so happens that I am not immune to the sun's rays, in fact they decided to burn me!

Saturday: we came home this day. There was a lot of singing, "I'm leaving on a jet plane... don't know when I'll be back again!"

I discovered a lot of things while on this trip.

- I am very prideful
- I need passion to be able to carry out the vision
- I like children
- I LOVE to read
- I still need wisdom (notice the first discovery)
- I missed America more than I thought I would
- I can survive without my phone
- I am a typical American

& while I left with a huge taste of humble pie, it was a good feeling. I guess the term would be "on fire". Yep. It's not that happy-go-lucky- hooray for Jesus feeling.. But it's the - i am not- but God is - I need Him everyday - I need to tell people about Him - sort of feeling that makes you know that you need grace - but that God offers it - and He wants us to be involved in His story and we need to seek Him.

So... here we go. now it's time to learn the whole application in life thing.

Redefine Love

The riverfront sets the perfect scene.
All I see is power, life, color.
As it all melts together,
so my worries melt away.
I know comfort, I know trust,
I know I continue to love you.
We confuse love so easily
It takes shape of person after person
and then we remember our beautiful Creator.
Men cover the stairs on this starry night,
no place to go and no comfort to be known.
Tears replace the smile as I walk past
I hope I will never relate
or go without a place to sleep.
We confuse love so easily
it takes the shape of thing after thing
and then we remember who sacrificed it all.
Redefine your love.
Find passion in the One who loves you.
It's true we need to relearn what love is,
because we... confuse love so easily,
it takes the shape of person after person.
We need to remember our beautiful Creator .
We need to redefine our love.