weakness...

But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Therefore I will most gladly boast all the more in my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may reside in me. So because of Christ, I am pleased in weaknesses, insults, in catastrophes, in persecutions, and in pressures. For when I am weak, then I am strong. - 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

This weekend was an experience that I will never forget. I spent three days as a youth leader at DNOW at a church in Auburn, KY. My dearest friend, Aly and I lead a group of freshmen girls. They were absolutely amazing. They opened up to us & showed us their hearts. It was beautiful.

I never expected to have a group of young girls who have gone through so much struggling and pain as these had in just the past year. One girl lost her mother, another's brother passed away in an accident, and a few others had family members who had cancer and either died or recovered. But this has all been in just the past year. I was shocked. The first small group we had at our host home... and these girls are revealing the things that have hurt them and I was amazed. They were so strong. They had built up walls... They thought they had to be strong. There weren't any tears shed that night - but it was just the start of the weekend. Some of these girls were there to learn about Christ and it was evident. They had their little notebooks and bibles and pens - and hearts that were open to an All Powerful God.

The youth minister of the church told us on Sunday afternoon during lunch (after DNOW was over) that he didn't want to tell us about the girls but instead let God to the work. By the last night ... walls were broken down - tears were shed - and a LONG healing process started. HE was at work.

There has been a reoccurring theme to me in the past few months. It may be a week or a month – but sooner or later everything that I have learned will click. I read the verse that started out this post almost every day a few months ago... knowing that I was weak. But then - I guess it was the city that did it to me... or being home for a few months... but I forgot that I am not capable of getting through the days, weeks, and months alone... well I might be capable... but there will be no joy.. due to the striving.

But last week ... it was just one of those weeks that you feel completely inadequate and useless. I was exhausted and behind in school and work. My wonderful friends offered loads of encouragement and silly times but there was a feeling that I just couldn't shake... that was until this weekend. I read 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 to a few of my girls - reminding them that we don't have to try and put up a front that we are strong… because we aren't...
I slowly - finally today - started relating it to my own life. I have been running around like a crazy person... not spending enough time in the Word and not spending time for myself to rejuvenate or prepare for each day. I was living in the moment and not prepared... and it was exhausting. I was striving to be perfect in everything I did and when I found out I had failed at multiple things – it was a gut shot.
Next weekend I will be doing something similar to the previous weekend. I know that I will be so tired – longing for a nap – and on spiritual overload (it will be a good thing). I will be fed truth all weekend… I will be weak – I will have to remember that I am not the One who is strong.

Certain things have been catching me off guard recently. Let’s just say I have been getting distracted. These things are not important and I don’t get very intensely distracted – but nonetheless – I am not focusing.
I am excited to see what this week and weekend will bring.

His Grace Is Sufficient.
we survived... and for the weekend got about 10 hours of sleep all together. .. once again i say.. "when I am weak..."
:)

Dream

Your unfailing love is better than life.

How beautiful would it be if this was our approach to life. That verse has helped me look at things in a new perspective.

I thought it would be a good idea to start off on a positive note - because I hate to sound like I am complaining. But the truth is... this week has been one of those that makes you question whether you will ever be capable or if inadequate is as far as you'll get.

I have realized that I have no balance in my life. I am either all or nothing in a certain area of my life. The different areas are: School, Work, Social, and BCM/Council.

When I am doing well at work- school suffers. When I am keeping up in my classes - Work and social suffer. And when I have a social life I forget about everything - which happened the other night.

But there is good news. I think I have broken off another layer of my hard social shell. But that is only by grace. It usually takes me a long time to feel welcome in a group - especially close enough to someone to open up. It is a silly thing - but after two years I actually feel comfortable on campus and with a group. It's a good feeling.

So... there is a new term that I made up - 'blinking' it means when you are open to an idea and considering it - and trying to applicate it. I am 'blinking' at missions and it is the most exciting thing that has been on my heart recently. I can't say that I have a strong passion for it yet - because well.. I am just not. But when I think about this summer and going to the Dominican - My heart starts to race a little and I just want to be on a plane and surrounded by the beautiful people on the 1:8 team. There is just something in me that is starting to stir when I think about the nations.

I went to conversational english last night at the BCM. That's right - I missed Lost to go talk with international students - it was a sacrifice.. if you could say that.. But I am trying to learn this thing called 'prioritizing' and put it into action.

But this spring break might look more different than I ever thought - hopefully - if the plan is able to happen and everything works out. I will post something about it later when I am sure - but BeachReach will not be happening for Miss McGuire this year.

I am excited to see where the Lord leads the next few steps of my life. He is already taking me places I never thought I would be - and providing opportunities that I never imagined I would be able to be a part of.

let's just say that His blessings are so apparent - even in the midst of failing quizzes and a busy life.

And in other points of my life.. that happen to be nonexistent... which I am not complaining about - I mean.. it's all in God's timing. Don't get me wrong - I am completely satisfied with where I am now... But a girl can't help but dream.

This song is so sweet - if you haven't heard it ... you are deprived and need to go listen right now. But it's Michael Buble's "Everything" I think it would be wonderful to have a guy think this about you.. So I guess this is my girly... this is soo cute.. and as I sing it.. I can't help but thing.. "one day.."

You're a falling star, You're the get away car.
You're the line in the sand when I go too far.
You're the swimming pool, on an August day.
And you're the perfect thing to see.

And you play it coy, but it's kinda cute.
Ah, When you smile at me you know exactly what you do.
Baby don't pretend, that you don't know it's true.
Cause you can see it when I look at you.

And I can't believe, uh that I'm your man,
And I get to kiss you baby just because I can.
Whatever comes our way, ah we'll see it through,
And you know that's what our love can do.

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, You make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.
You're every song, and I sing along.
'Cause you're my everything.
Yeah, yeah

So as usual.. I am posting as a reaction to the chapter I just read in Captivating. It was titled 'mothers, daughters and sisters'. It was beautiful and just what I needed to hear tonight. It talked about the author's history with her mother and how destructive their relationship was. But I seem to think that is normal. When I was in high school and also when I came to western I was jealous when I heard of someone having a relationship with their mother that was like a friendship. I was never close with mine like some people I know. But I was still able to learn so much from her. How to be strong. How to show love. What faith in God looked like. What family meant.

I am so grateful for her and all she went through. For those of you who know my families story, you know my mother had to be strong. So after reading this chapter, crying for a few minutes and getting a little homesick... I decided to send her an email telling how mucho love her and how proud I am of all she does and all the sacrifices she has made for me.

I am starting to realize how thankful I am for the people around me. The people who offer their hearts and listen to mine. They are all around. My dgroup, my family, my close friends and the women in bowling green that take me under their wing. All these girls are so unbelievably beautiful and have a heart for God that inspires me every day. The weather can make us be grateful, and so can things that happen, but recently when it's been cold outside or stormy, and life has been crazy busy.. My wonderful friends have warmed my heart. I am so blessed and it's one more reason to praise the God who is sovereign and reigning today and tomorrow.

Oh gently lay your head
Upon My chest
And I will comfort you like a Mother while you rest.
The tide can change so fast
But I will stay
The same through Past, the same in Future,
Same Today.

Oh weary, tired and worn
Let out your sighs
And drop that heavy load you hold
Cuz Mine is light.
I know you through and through
There's no need to hide.

For I am constant.
I am near
I am peace that shatters all your secret fears.
I am holy.
I am wise.
I am the only One, who knows your heart's desires.

Oh gently lay your head upon My chest
And I will comfort you like a Mother
While you rest.
-Jill Phillipsl

beautiful day

Today is already a beautiful day!
I woke up early to do 24 Hour Prayer for the campus and then met two beautiful friends of mine outside my dorm for an encouragement breakfast.. It is a lot harder than any of us thought.. When you get up that early - you aren't really in the mood or the right mind to encourage. But it was still precious time with great friends!

Sometimes I think it is just helpful to know that someone is going through the same thing that you are - or have been through the same thing before.

we all seemed to be struggling with the same stuff - which is great. oh accountability - you have to love it.

taking delight - the heart of it all.

Today has been so .. enlightening. I can't help but sigh as I think about all the things that have been revealed and developed.

This weekend was 1:8 Orientation and this summer has been all I have talked about since I got back on Saturday afternoon. It was a wonderful time - I blogged about it earlier - but it just gave me a different light on things.. and I thought that was all I would take from this weekend - info and excitement about summer plans. But I was very wrong. God wasn't done (and never will be). Today at Living Hope, Pastor Jason Pettus spoke about sharing the hope and how our faith is no secret and the verses he used were Acts 1:4-11 (coincidence.. I don't think so..).

the following were all points in the sermon that really got me thinking and evaluating:

The Holy Spirit empowers the followers of Jesus to BELIEVE and DELIGHT in the grace of God.

A lot of people cannot share the gospel because they have forgotten the Gospel and are not delighting in Him.

The believers of Jesus that live in the power of the Spirit can give testimony (be witnesses) of the goodness and grace of Jesus.

People need hope and the believers of Jesus must not hide the hope.

-----------------------------

So. I evaluated what it means to me.. to delight in the Lord, and then how often I do. My answer was very humbling. I knew that He is my Savior, He is my Lord, He is my Strength, He is my Refuge, He is love. But was He in whom I delighted? Did I delight in these characteristics of God?

The answer.. as I said was humbling.

So my new goal. Take delight. Delight in my beautiful Lord who is unfailing, sovereign, exercising providence, actively preserving and actively governing.

And the aftermath of those things that were revealed... an absolutely beautiful day - and the thought in the back of my head.. even if there was 'rain' it would still be a wonderful day that I could take delight in the Lord. How wonderful.

today has been absolutley beautiful. Wonderful weather, great company, and a safe trip to Louisville for acts 1:8 orientation. It is actually kind of weird. As many know I am usually a really shy person but for some reason ... I guess since a lot of us are in the same place - we all connect. I am so excited about spending my summer with such encouraging brothers and sisters that truely want to know me and hear my heart. And I can't wait to hear more from everyone. For some reason the atmosphere is just different .. Different from church or bcm. It's automatically inviting because we all have to and are willing to be vulnerable in order to grow closer. It is kind of sad that I don't get to hang out with everyone until LTC but.. All summer will be spent growing and serving with people who have close to the same dreams and aspirations as me- to reach the world for Christ. And there is a sense of urgency almost..

We will get to know everyone more later but this weekend was sort of the ice breaker .. The time we all got to spend time getting to know other people.. I was nervous that I was the only one coming from western.. But it has forced me to come out of my shell the moment I get around this group..

And that brings me to a thought.. Why does it take this setting and this group for me to be the real, fun, silly emily? I should break out wherever I am... Because that shows the real, vulnerable, screw up, Christ seeking person that I am.. And that can only point to the Lord...
So.. I am going to be like little miss Harrod and offer a challenge- but I guess it is just to myself.. Be open, honest, truthful, and joyful everyday so others can see your heart and passion for knowing Christ... That is one thing that is definitely not lacking in this hotel with this beautiful group of people. I can't wait to dive in this summer with them. I know this has been and will be a life- changing summer and help me continue to learn more about my purpose and God's plan for me.. I mean I never thought I would ever be here.. Where else is He going to take me... Well I know one thing, I can't wait to find out

satisfying.

today has been pretty interesting & it's only a little after 9 in the morning.

This week has been very hectic - mainly because I have been going non - stop. I usually have time for myself, but not this week. My 'emily' time has been when I have decided to go into work a few minutes late - class got canceled - or I didn't go to a meeting I was supposed to go to. I got to go to Preston a few times this week & that helped me clear my head. Running - for some reason - helps me get my mind off of all the stuff I have to do - and of course I feel great afterwards. But toward the end of the week, I haven't been able to do anything - I've barely been able to get ready in the mornings or after class.

But today.. well that was a different story. I left my backpack in my Dgroup leader's dorm, woke up late, and was late to work. After I was done getting ready and it was 30 minutes after when I should have been at work.. And with all of that happening.. I laughed. Put my Ipod on the Rocket Summer & climbed up the hill to work.

Noticing all along how beautiful the day was & that it was getting a little warmer. I wanted to crack up laughing.. and say.. don't worry.. but then thought that all the people that saw me would think I was ridiculous..

So I just continued to think.. don't worry.. you will get everything done. Live will continue and you will have a fabulous time this weekend - and you still have to read Psalms for today - so I have so much to look forward to - even after laughing at leaving my backpack somewhere last night.. how great.

So I thought ... Satisfy us in the mornings with your faithful love so that we may shout with joy and be glad all our days. wow.. okay. This was a perfect example of the Lord satisfying. unfailing & being beautiful.

In The Midst

There are some things that have really been bothering me lately. I have been questioning the attitudes of a lot people. And as I learned in my PR class - beliefs develop attitudes. I used to come to the conclusion that if people have a bad attitude toward me - it was something I did. I had this belief that I was doing something wrong or annoying - and that caused my attitude to be distant and think I was not valued.

One person especially has just caused lots of pain in my life for the past few months - I am one of those people who always wants acceptance by everyone - not so far that I would screw up and fall (that was in the past) but so far that I would change how I act around this person and try to be someone they would like - that way our friendship would be able to continue. But one thing I realized - that is just silly. I am who I am & God has placed amazing people in my life to walk with me now and be my source of everyday laughter and encouragement. That person's attitude is not my business and there is nothing I can do to change how they act or react in a situation.

Another thing ... The Lord really blessed me last night. I got to talk to a friend that seemed to have been ignoring me or.. avoiding me lately. But we got laugh and joke like nothing had ever happened. It was so precious to me - mainly because this person's friendship means so much & he hasn't been in my life lately. But that was just the first of many blessings of the night - 180 was amazing - Seth did an awesome job with his first night as Praise band leader & I can't wait to see how the Lord continues to grow him, his heart and his talent. Well.. Miles was supposed to read some scripture - Isaiah 43:1-7. It talks about how when we go through the waters we will not be over come and when we go through the fires we will not be burned. And these are the lyrics from the song we sang right before Miles got up to read: ... well I can't find the lyrics - but it was pretty much reflecting the scripture to be read word for word. It was beautiful - and probably I was the only one who noticed - but to someone who spends a while planning and coordinating the service - it was a HUGE blessing.

And then... once again. The speaker read a Psalm where the writer of the Psalm said that the darkness was his only/closest friend.. And a part of the verse of the last song of the night - the invitation song... went something like this:
When confusion is all around me
And the darkness is my closest friend
Still I'll praise You
Jesus praise You

As 180 Coordinator - these things never happen.. it's really hard to even get the songs to match up with the speaker.. and the thing is ... I can never doubt that Jesus was there/is here.

It is always great to be reminded that you are a part of something greater - especially when that something seems to get routine. It is reaching people on campus and affecting them - they keep coming back - to listen to the Lord.

How Magnificent.

So. the new reading plan for LHBC college ministry is to read through the Psalms.

There are a few that have jumped out and blessed me with a TON of comfort.

I already had a goal to try and redefine what i consider to be worship. And it was also interesting that I have recently been wanting to find a reading plan to go through the Psalms (it's not as easy as Proverbs - 1 a day..). But right as Matt said.. Redefine worship.. i was writing the exact words on my paper of notes. So it's just awesome how the Lord works and answers simple desires and interests.

So. things I have learned & been reminded of about worship:

It is embracing God and the purpose He has given us.

It is recognizing God is supreme and in control.

It is realizing God is revealing Himself to us (through many different ways - nature, people, His word, and situations we go through).

It is ultimately giving God glory.

A beautiful picture of genuine worship: "Let them give thanks to the Lord for His faithful love and his wonderful works for the human race. Let them offer sacrifices of thanksgiving and announce His works with shouts of joy." - Psalm 107:21-22

A few more things have been such a blessing in some hard times that have come up - things that Satan has tried to use to get me down.. things that I didn't know could bother me... or make me weak (God is my strength and refuge).

Psalm 3:3-5 But Lord, you are a shield around me, my glory and the One who lifts up my head. I cry aloud to the Lord, and He answers me from His holy mountain. I lie down and sleep; I wake again because the Lord sustains me.

Psalm 4:7-8 (A Night Prayer) You have put more joy in my heart than they have when their grain and new wine abound. I will both lie down and sleep in peace, for You alone, Lord, make me live in safety.

The most comforting thought is that the Psalms I have read so far deal with nature and how God protects us. The God.. who created the nations.. is our refuge. Surely, He will be our protector. our shield around us. He will answer us when we call. That to me, is a very precious promise.

It is because of these promises that we need to proclaim, "Lord, our Lord, how magnificent is Your name throughout the earth."

lusting after houses.

My friends and I have started an adventure.. searching for a place to live next semester. I am really excited to be able to get off campus - but also to be living with two of my greatest friends!

There are a few houses that we have loved .. the funnest time was driving around getting numbers to call to see about pricing.

The newest thing that has been said: I am lusting after houses.

It is quite a fun adventure.